Is THIS the bottom?

I highly doubt it.
But I feel pretty fucking low right about now.
I wish I could control this sadness.
This anger.
I feel like I have no one to talk to who can understand what this is like.
This isn't the typical disease.
There is no known "cure."
There is no standard treatment or protocol.
No one knows what will work and what won't.
And we are all searching day after day for something.
Better testing methods, new procedures or medicines.
Hell, even recognition that chronic late stage lyme actually exists!


Don't get me wrong, I am grateful for all that I have.
I am privileged to have an LLMD.
For the means to afford (most) my medicine.
For the supportive family.
For my son.


But I'm mad as hell.
And I'm so down.
And the stress keeps piling on.
This is going to be a long road.
And even still, I won't ever be back to my 100%.
And what hurts me the most is that my son might have to go through this, too.


SIGH...


My husband worked for a guy who is in remission after only 10 months of treatment.
Granted he had i.v. antibiotics etc. from the top Lyme Doc.
Looking forward to talking with him.


The trip to the LLMD went ok this time. I added about 8 new things, and one for my son.
Something to help his mood, specifically rage.
Which has been through the roof the past two days.
We made an appointment for the both of us this time.
I'm looking forward to hearing what she has to say about him.
And hopefully get to spend some time with my Dad and Stepmom.


I have no choice but to soldier on.
I have my moments when I'm caught up in the emotions.
It's just such an isolating illness.